It’s great we can all join to together as women and be publicly proud of our periods, but these commercials have officially thrown our last piece of dignity under the bus! Like I don’t have enough grooming tasks to keep up with in order to still look semi desirable to my husband during this week, but now I have to do damage control for my/our dark secrets being leaked out on national TV! #ChronicallyFemaleProblems
First off, I’d like to state that I haven’t seen a single commercial about guys dealing with their sweaty balls. I know this problem exists… not personally, because I’m ball-less but because I hear guys ‘joke’ about it. Gold Bond powder for instance, they only show it being only used for feet. However, I’m pretty sure dudes out there also use it for those things that sit stuck between their thighs all day, but nooooooo don’t let that cat out of the bag commercial makers! I know there’s ED commercials for men, which is embarrassing, but they always have an attractive lady with them and basically end up having sex by the end of the commercial! No period commercials have us being hit on by some hot guy! If anything, we are actually lonelier for the next 5-8 days while our men steer clear!
I’m cool with the tampon and pad commercials. Those are the most obvious components of a period and hard to keep secret from the guys. It’s a tid bit unrealistic though with the fact that they show women wearing a white swimsuit while diving into a pool! Yes, that’s one thing on my bucket list…risk a hotel having to drain their pool. I personally feel like shit during this time, so the last thing I’m doing during my hallucinations derived from leg/stomach pain or cramps, the shits, headache and irritability, is pole vaulting! I have to take 6 Tylenols in order to make it through just my shower. I don’t even want kids, so I’m even more pissed I have to deal with this crap! Also, I’m pretty sure those commercials only apply to the last couple days of your punctuation mark, since I believe we are all aware of the ‘tsunami day’ which requires 6 pads and 13 tampons… I sure as hell wouldn’t be diving into any pools or wearing white.
Then they stepped it up with the freshen up your vagina wipes. Perfect, now I’ve been labeled as stanky. I feel even less attractive to my husband during this hormonal sweaty breakout stricken week of this month. Look, we already have to avoid intimate male contact during this time to save any dignity! We don’t need them knowing it doesn’t stop at just a few pretty pink wrapped cotton sticks. We ladies know what’s up, so if you could just stick this shit on the shelves and keep it on the DL, we’d appreciate it…
Finally, the worst commercial of ALL was yesterday. I was blown away! My husband actually saw it and said you’ve got to see this as he laughed hysterically. Nice. It…was…about…having to toss out your period stained panties and these pads that will prevent that. It’s a bunch of super happy smiling women all tossing their panties in a public trashcan on the street! WTF?!?! Son of a bitch! Do you know how precise I try and be by wearing my ski mask and camouflage as I summersault to the outside trash in order to hide any panty casualties I may have had?!?! And then you just go out and throw us under the bus?! Now he knows you assholes! Haha! I’ve never had a friend say to me “OMG, it was so cray today gurl. I had a tsunami day and my pad didn’t hold up, so I had to take off my underwear off at Starbucks. This guy saw me throwing them out on 5th street, winked and was like ‘Panty stains?’ and I was like ‘Yep haha, silly period.’ Then he invited me for coffee after he complimented how skinny I looked in my white pencil skirt.” We don’t even tell each other these stories. TMI.
Can they just make a commercial with “You should buy this awesome pad, it’ll save your life” with a girl that hasn’t showered in 3 days lying on her death bed couch, wearing 90’s tapered ankle gray sweatpants with pad wrappers and empty cans of dry shampoo thrown around her? I bet it’s the sweaty ball guys doing this to distract everyone from their powdered thighs. Real mature.