‘Lady’ Commercials… Exit, Dignity #Period.

pon2-002

It’s great we can all join to together as women and be publicly proud of our periods, but these commercials have officially thrown our last piece of dignity under the bus! Like I don’t have enough grooming tasks to keep up with in order to still look semi desirable to my husband during this week, but now I have to do damage control for my/our dark secrets being leaked out on national TV! #ChronicallyFemaleProblems

First off, I’d like to state that I haven’t seen a single commercial about guys dealing with their sweaty balls. I know this problem exists… not personally, because I’m ball-less but because I hear guys ‘joke’ about it. Gold Bond powder for instance, they only show it being only used for feet. However, I’m pretty sure dudes out there also use it for those things that sit stuck between their thighs all day, but nooooooo don’t let that cat out of the bag commercial makers! I know there’s ED commercials for men, which is embarrassing, but they always have an attractive lady with them and basically end up having sex by the end of the commercial! No period commercials have us being hit on by some hot guy! If anything, we are actually lonelier for the next 5-8 days while our men steer clear!

I’m cool with the tampon and pad commercials. Those are the most obvious components of a period and hard to keep secret from the guys. It’s a tid bit unrealistic though with the fact that they show women wearing a white swimsuit while diving into a pool! Yes, that’s one thing on my bucket list…risk a hotel having to drain their pool. I personally feel like shit during this time, so the last thing I’m doing during my hallucinations derived from leg/stomach pain or cramps, the shits, headache and irritability, is pole vaulting! I have to take 6 Tylenols in order to make it through just my shower. I don’t even want kids, so I’m even more pissed I have to deal with this crap! Also, I’m pretty sure those commercials only apply to the last couple days of your punctuation mark, since I believe we are all aware of the ‘tsunami day’ which requires 6 pads and 13 tampons… I sure as hell wouldn’t be diving into any pools or wearing white.

Then they stepped it up with the freshen up your vagina wipes. Perfect, now I’ve been labeled as stanky. I feel even less attractive to my husband during this hormonal sweaty breakout stricken week of this month. Look, we already have to avoid intimate male contact during this time to save any dignity! We don’t need them knowing it doesn’t stop at just a few pretty pink wrapped cotton sticks. We ladies know what’s up, so if you could just stick this shit on the shelves and keep it on the DL, we’d appreciate it…

Finally, the worst commercial of ALL was yesterday. I was blown away! My husband actually saw it and said you’ve got to see this as he laughed hysterically. Nice. It…was…about…having to toss out your period stained panties and these pads that will prevent that. It’s a bunch of super happy smiling women all tossing their panties in a public trashcan on the street! WTF?!?! Son of a bitch! Do you know how precise I try and be by wearing my ski mask and camouflage as I summersault to the outside trash in order to hide any panty casualties I may have had?!?! And then you just go out and throw us under the bus?! Now he knows you assholes! Haha! I’ve never had a friend say to me “OMG, it was so cray today gurl. I had a tsunami day and my pad didn’t hold up, so I had to take off my underwear off at Starbucks. This guy saw me throwing them out on 5th street, winked and was like ‘Panty stains?’ and I was like ‘Yep haha, silly period.’ Then he invited me for coffee after he complimented how skinny I looked in my white pencil skirt.” We don’t even tell each other these stories. TMI.

Can they just make a commercial with “You should buy this awesome pad, it’ll save your life” with a girl that hasn’t showered in 3 days lying on her death bed couch, wearing 90’s tapered ankle gray sweatpants with pad wrappers and empty cans of dry shampoo thrown around her? I bet it’s the sweaty ball guys doing this to distract everyone from their powdered thighs. Real mature.

I’m working on a solid gym rat status…

One week down and how every many months to go ….

I’m actually pretty proud that no one had to call 911 on my first day back to the gym! You know when it’s your first day in a new gym but you don’t want anyone to know it? You want to look confident as if you’ve been going there for years, as you say “sup” while you walk by the sales reps that have never seen you before. When I first walked in and up to the front desk, I said “Hey, I activated my membership online, so I just need to get set up for checking in.” “Ok you’re good to go!” she said after collecting my fingerprints. Very high tech check in process. She then let me go on my way. Within two seconds I realized my ‘LL Cool J’ attitude may have hurt me. I didn’t know where the hell to go from there. I walked slowly as I scrolled through the black locked screen on my phone, all the while looking out of the corner of my eye like a bird as I tried to find where the women’s locker room was. ‘Ugh, why didn’t I look for it while she was setting me up?! I look like an asshole and so uncool right now!’ I thought. I left my shoes untied though so I seemed more ‘on the go’ ‘whatevs’ about it. Thankfully, my tactic worked and the locker was straight ahead. I used to be a member of this gym before, but just not this location or state. They are similarly set up, but it has been years since I’ve been in there. .

Naked boobs right off the bat. Welcome back. After walking straight to ‘my’ locker, I got changed and headed out! I knew I wanted to start with cardio because this gives me the chance to look over the second level railing and scope out the equipment. By ‘equipment’ I literally mean the equipment, not the men, ladies! This way when I go down to get my lift on, I’ll know what machines I want to hit up and how they work. You never want to be caught looking at the ‘how-to’ guide on the side of the machine! Well I don’t anyways. Like I said, I want to remain very LL Cool J about this. However, after making it ten feet out of the locker room I realized I had forgotten my headphones! Dammit!! Ugh, I didn’t want to spend $20 on another pair, but I hate working out in silence! It’s like that feeling when you’re dancing and you aren’t quite sure what to do with your hands, so a holding a drink is preferable and comforting. Listening to music helps me feel more comfortable and less aware of people staring at my confused nature. Anyway, for some dumb reason I decided to shop the headphones first and chose not to bring my wallet. This walk up to the front to shop was trip #2 past the sales reps. Once I picked out some ear buds I, as predicted, needed my wallet. Trip #3 & 4 past the sales reps. When I finally finished ripping and cutting through the frickin child proof packaging as the front desk girl watched in horror, I started on my 5th trip past the reps to the locker room so I could get my phone and put my wallet back. By this time the reps were probably wondering if I was just a homeless girl roaming the gym for half empty water bottles, power bars wrappers that I could lick the crumbs out of, toilet paper and maybe a friend.

Finally making it upstairs to cardio, my bad knee was really starting to feel janky. I put my knee brace on like any regular gym rat athlete would. I made it through 30 minutes on the stair climber!! Not just because I didn’t want to quit after five minutes to avoid being embarrassed in front of the girl that looked like she’d been on her climber for 4 days but because I didn’t have a heart attack. I did three weeks of Insanity’s T25 four months ago, so I’m thinking I have some build up endurance from that?? Feeling badass like, I threw down some solid butterfly stretches and then walked downstairs to the weight machines. I did a few more stretches against the wall, but not because I needed to… it was so I could kill time and think about if I was going to whip my guns out and do some arm bar reps. If you don’t pretend stretch while thinking, you could end up standing creepishly still as you blankly stare at a machine while in your deep thought. Weird.

Eh, I’ll hit up arms tomorrow…. 6th trip past the sales reps. “Sup.”

The Uncertain Dream….

inspirational-quotes-3

If you dream it, it will come…. right?

I don’t think there’s been a moment where I haven’t thought about what it’ll feel like when I finally lasso in my dream! And then hug it and squeeze it. Do you do the same?? Which is all probably counter productive because I tend to get caught up in those thoughts :) Those thoughts are about the career I’ve been drooling over! Actually, ‘career’ isn’t the right word because to me it’s actually a passion I feel I’m supposed to following in this life. Here’s my issue…I have a love for a couple different things but am having a hard time pin pointing how to intertwine the two in order to apply it to a specific ‘job’ or daily task. Furthermore, I’ve wondered how I can put myself out there, if I’m not completely sure what direction I should even go?? I know what I love and need to find where I fit in it. However, at the same time, I’ve been trying to learn to NOT live consumed in my thoughts and to live more present (I recommend these books in regards to this teaching, ‘A New Earth’ & ‘Falling Into Grace’). Being okay with the uncertainty of life is the only way to allow the windows of opportunity and purpose to open. It’s like when they say “you’ll find the right guy/girl when you stop looking.”. You almost have to stop looking. However, no one is going to come to your door and hand you your dream. You still need to put yourself out there, but just not force it. So how do you balance the two? It’s hard when you are so excited for what a year from now might bring!! This is the part where you have to accept the uncertainty to avoid the confusion. Depending on God or the universe to guide me on the way and to stay patient makes me feel at peace. In the meantime, this is what I’ve done to try and find my place… trying a couple different avenues until something sticks, until it feels right. Not giving up…. I hope you’ll do the same!

Entertainment and inspiring are both my passions! By ‘entertainment’ I mean, radio/tv co-hosting, writing, making people laugh, fashion, etc.. By inspiring I mean, sharing my experiences and stories with you, in order for you to have someone or something to relate to in hopes to give you hope and motivation. To be there for you as you go for what you want in life. Philanthropy and also, paying it forward. That’s big! I think of Michael Jackson’s song ‘Heal the World’ as I post ‘Pay It Forward’ ideas on my other IG page @changingituptoday …

**Don’t confuse the following with me saying you’ll get your big break from just sending a simple tweet, email, volunteering, etc… You have to put your blood, sweat, tears and hard work into turning your dream into a reality… I’m just stating below some good starting points and small things you can do to to find exactly what you want and to get yourself out there. I’ve also seen ‘right place at the right time’ scenarios, so the little things you do can turn into big things.. you never know.

So my first attempt at finding where I fit…. I absolutely love the radio industry and thought it’d be a perfect way to entertain and possibly inspire in small daily ways. I went balls to the wall trying to get into radio the last four years. It’s frickin hard on those streets! Letters, emails, picture of my face photoshopped onto a google imaged DJ’s body to let them know how great I’d look as a DJ at their station (too much?), sent demo tapes that I learned how to make on Ehow.com haha, etc.. An apprenticeship would cost me $8,000 that I don’t have to throw down right now. So, I volunteered to bring coffee to the overnight guys, dust pencils! I landed one meeting and now at least he knows who I am. I put myself out there and I’m still on the ‘under review’ status for on-air talent. I’ll take what I can get haha :) I don’t have experience, hence the great battle of getting in. However, I won 1st runner up for the TV show ‘Dish Nation’ Co-Host For a Day contest! Again, I put myself out there. You never know what might come from a little contest, an email, a tweet… So, why hasn’t radio worked out since then? Maybe that specific path of entertainment wasn’t for me… maybe this super loud overheated laptop that’s burning my leg because I can’t find my laptop fan is my radio …and I speak through it to you. I tried going for one of the avenues in the field I enjoy… it’s not the only avenue in entertainment though, so it’s not over. Keep trying!

Which brings me to my other love which is wanting to inspire people! I thought, ‘what can I do to reach people?’. So was born this blog! Every time I write, it’s a productive way to use my passion to inspire and motivate. I would love to write a book, so I figured writing a blog was a good way to start :) Of course not all of my posts have a purpose other than to share a random thought. Those are purely for entertainment reasons and wanting to unnecessarily share my waxing and fitness-ish adventures. I know that today’s blog or any other day’s blog may not be the life changing featured article idea that’s accepted by a hot magazine (ya I email and mail ideas to them too..), because I’m not a professional author. I also know everyone has their first gig and I tend to go straight to the top for mine haha. I mean, I hit up more reasonable opportunities too, but I figure what the hell on going for the big ones as well. I love philanthropy work, so I joined a social club that shares this passion, along with making social/professional connections, making new friends and enjoying fun events and experiences! God and the universe will help guide you, but you have to do some leg work :)

I don’t want you to settle. It’s makes me so sad when I see someone with such potential and big dreams give it up because they don’t believe in themselves. Settling for what other people say you’re worth instead of listening to your heart/soul will only end in regret and unhappiness. I’ve mentioned before that I was told to admit I wasn’t going to be anybody, when I knew deep down it was bullshit. I listened to them at the time though. I waited a lot longer to get started on what I wanted back at 20 years old. Not that 30 (ew.) is old :) However, please remember this… those years between when you thought you were ‘ready’ to grab and handle that dream, and today, were meant to pass. I met the love of my life during those years. I moved to a better city with more opportunity. I met some of my best friends. I grew up. Most importantly, I appreciate and understand more now the purpose and importance of my passions vs just playing around with them. Surround yourself with those who believe in you and get started on putting yourself out there…even with small things that seems like they wouldn’t make a difference. Be patient and be ok with the unknown… it makes it’s more fun and exciting when something sticks one day!

To be cont….

Stepmotherhood, when you’re not a kid person…

*To all the bio Moms reading this, I don’t hate kids! I am just not designed like you were with the patience, desire, talent, strength, etc that you were given from God. I admire you and your ability to raise a human baby. It’s pretty cool.

The first thing people say is “you chose this, you knew what you were getting into, you can’t complain”. Yes, you are right. I did know that I was marrying someone who had kids. NO, I didn’t understand the level of struggle and work it would take, because I don’t have kids! And I didn’t and still don’t want kids! We all choose to get into some situations sort of knowing what it entails, but until you dive in, you don’t truely get it. It’s like joining a gym, choosing a stressful career or having your own child…it seems easier looking in from the outside. We know/feel/think we are strong enough to handle it. So then no one should be allowed to complain if they chose it, right?! Of course not, we are human and need to vent at times! Sometimes we are willing to risk the dive though. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not constantly complaining or struggling with my step kids, because I do love them all and we get along, but they’re frickin annoying sometimes and it’s at a higher level since I didn’t birth them myself :) The bond that allows you to tolerate their cray cray-ness seems to be stronger with the biological parent.

As you’ve already grasped, I don’t want kids. Somehow I ended up with three haha! When I met my husband, I was 24 and he was 37. I would come into his work everyday and we would acknowledge each other, smile and maybe a little ‘How’s your week?’ action was going on. After asking what he was doing that weekend, he responded with “Oh I have the kids this weekend.”. EEERRRRRR&*%*^&^%&!! (insert tire screeching sounds)… Kids?!? Ugh lame, he’s out…not happening. He’s already past my age limit, so strike two. Too bad because he seemed charming and cute. A week later, we went on our first date… I know, I’m weak. There seemed to be something different about him, xoxo….

His kids at the time were 15, 10 and 6 (two boys and the youngest is a girl). It was pretty awkward at first, mostly because I don’t know how to relate to kids (even though I was one. wierd.). I don’t have a Barbie doll tea party imagination, but thankfully neither did his little girl… she was like a 40 year old that I was actually mildly intimidated by sometimes. She’ll call you out on stuff, it’s scary and kind of bitchy. I just wanted them to like me and think I was cool. The pressure was there because if they don’t, you are most likely out of the picture. Luckily, I made the cut. After a few times of meeting them I thought, ‘Ok they are potty trained so like they can take care of themselves now. We can leave them with the older kid and go out! Whoop!’. I soon learned, that’s not what you are supposed to do, all the time anyways. It’s in the ‘bad parenthood’ realm apparently. Lame. Why can’t we just do what we want?! We are the adults! They have to deal with whatever because they’re just kids! Wrong. I learned they have feelings, opinions, needs, things that are best for them, etc. “Wait, best for them?! I want what’s best for ME, it’s my life too!” What a selfish bitch I was sounding like, but in all fairness I didn’t know any better. I had been been living my life a certain way on my own for several years now. I’ve found biological parents to feel the same way though sometimes, so I’m not a terrible person. I just wanted to find love, not an immediate family that I had to be a role model to and make responsible adult decisions for. Honestly, I still struggle with this today, six years later! I’ve found myself saying a few times now, “If I wanted to deal with this shit (teenage drama), I would’ve had my own kids.”…”You want me to buy poptarts and cereal with my potential shoe shopping money?!” That’s when the people end up saying “You chose this.”. I know I know, I did, but my habits and thought processes don’t change in a day or even six years. I still shoe shop. *This should prove to people who pressure others to have kids, that not everyone was meant for it. You can’t force the mental and physcial strength, desire, sacrifice and wholehearted need and ability it takes to raise a human baby.

I’m still trying to learn when and why it’s better to do this over that, due to the effect it can have on the kids. Going full sacrificial of my time isn’t coming as easily though. They can be so selfish, rude, ungrateful, take pictures they colored for me back because I didn’t let them eat the chocolate before dinner (I was trying to make a frickin adult decision with that one and it backfired), dirty, loud, weird and needy sometimes! They can be sweet and funny though too, so that helps remind me that they haven’t ruined my life haha.

For now, I do this day by day. One of the kids is a little tougher right now and is going through some issues and I’m having a hard time dealing with how to handle it. I keep trying to think of what to say to my husband when he’s hurting or stressing over them, when I can’t relate. To be cont….

Doughnuts & Treadmills…21 Days to Develop a Habit…again!

th

I love doughnuts… therefore, it’s absolutely no problem at all to get in my car, drive 12 minutes to a shop and pick up a single chocolate. Or a glaze one… depends on my mood. Then there’s the 12 minute drive back home, the $0.70 it cost me, the semi-guilty emotions I feel afterwards and the sugar nausea that lasts an hour and a half. Aaaahhhh!, but it’s so delish-balls!

However, I love working out too! Well it’s more the after feeling that I love…but for some reason it’s IMPOSSIBLE for me sometimes to get in my car, drive the 24 minutes to the gym (like whoa, that’s double the minutes to a doughnut shop…could be part of the problem) and workout for an hour or two, knowing the delicious feeling that comes with it! Even walking to my living room and turning on a workout video seems draining sometimes! I blow my own mind because I used to addictively work out once or twice a day just a few years ago!!!… ok six years ago. That’s neither here nor there. My point is, you’d think I would have developed a habit! Like breathing and stuff. How is it that something that makes you feel so terrible (the doughnut) can be so appealing, delicious and more likely for me to go after than an ass that doesn’t high five my thigh, nice guns and feeling better overall?!?! #LazyLegProblems

These days I work out in phases. I go balls to the wall with Insanity T25 or running around in circles in the neighborhood… for about a month. Then the tiny satin douche on my left shoulder starts yapping in my ear telling me to take the weekend off from working out because I’ve done so well thus far!! By Monday, I don’t remember how to turn the treadmill on or how to clip the clamps onto the bench bar. Does anyone else go through this? The inability to create a healthy habit? Our minds are sneaky and can easily dictate us in our weak moments (relaxing for an extra day, eating, etc), but we have to outsmart it! I don’t eat much junk food actually, the worst is that doughnut or a snickers every now and then. Ok I did buy a case of snickers ONCE from Costco, but it was a new flavor… frickin’ Rocky Road people!! I have two left, then I’m done with them… I promise! Spinach smoothies are one of my favorites that are super easy and quick (and filling) to whip up! I usually mix a couple cups of spinach or kale, a handful of blueberries and a kiwi with some almond milk….wham bam boom, delicious! Back to working out, I though muscles had memory?? They don’t remember shit! I have to remind them that we used to lift 125 lbs on the seated calf raising thingy, when today we can’t even put any weights on the bar! On a serious note, anyone else struggling to get back in the game should know they aren’t alone! It’s so hard for some reason but I KNOW once we get past the 21 days it takes to develop a habit…again…and we fall in love again with working these bods out, we will be ok :)

On a scale of 1-10, How Crazy Are We? Peace vs Frustration

Do you have this frustrating feeling like you are at the edge of happiness and peace, but also stuck inside your head with thoughts of feeling kind of lost? What…a headache. *This breakthrough I had just happened, so expect some slippage along the way and more posts on keeping on this track!* I had been interpreting the inability to jump off the cliff into the sea of peace and feeling whole in life, as that I wasn’t yet a good enough person to, that I had too many character flaws and needed to improve myself first. The more I tried though, the more my confidence and self esteem seemed to lower. *FYI, this is due to picking yourself apart!! Lameballs. Yet, like a normal freak human, I thought I had to fix all this crap before I could mentally kayak through chocolate waves of spiritual freedom. Part of this confusing battle and where a few items from the list of ‘what is wrong with me’ came from being in a not so healthy relationship for five years. This was during the ages of 17-23…primetime mental growing years, whoopsie! It was a constant struggle after we broke up to convince myself that his words were not the truth or who I truly was. They were his insecurities. I see now that he was most likely having the same battle I was in his head, but his tactic to ‘self reflect’ was to reflect on my flaws to make himself feel better or right. How was I aware enough to at least recognize that? At one point I said, “Do you purposely make me feel like a loser so I will think no one else will want me?”. His response, “Well how else am I supposed to keep you?”. Uh, ok. Weird. And his plan failed.

Still, six years later, I was asking friends and my new lover husband, “What are things that I need to work on? Am I too selfish? Annoying? Boring? Too half glass full? Do I say enough nice things? Have I done enough nice things for you, like cook dinner? Well, you probably don’t want me to cook more (yikes), so do I show you enough appreciation????”. Wow, a bit ridiculous don’t you think? By the way, this usually took place with me sitting on the bathroom floor talking through the glass shower as he, defeated and trapped, shampooed his hair. Blank faced, he always answered with ‘yes’ or ‘no’. He had been asked those same questions 57 times by me again and again and he always chose to not entertain my cray-ness. If he would have given more of an explanation of ‘yes’ or ‘no’ (ex. “No, not usually.”) I would have perked up and frantically asked “Usually?? What? Why? How? Like on a scale of 1-10, how ‘usually’ do you mean?”. Exhausting.

Today, I can say that I have been officially bitch slapped out of that J #whoopwhoop. This is mostly due to maturity and hitting 29 for the 3rd time this year, but also because I’ve learned to understand the initial interest, connection and curiosity I was having about spiritual depth. It was me (my spirit/soul/Being) needing and wanting to be woken up so I could live the life I was purposed for! This year has really been a big change in how I view uncertainty. Letting go of douchbag ex’s words, mistakes I’ve made, doughnuts I’ve eaten, etc. I’ve been grasping and grasping for years to find my grand purpose, answers to what my career should be, should I do this or that, etc. That in turn has caused me impatience, heartache, disappointment, frustration, a beer gut (jk-ish) and a frickin headache! Instead, focusing on the present moment is what I learned… but I didn’t learn it on my own. This is by the help from my addition of watching Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday (OWN Network) and a spiritual teacher/author she had on named Eckhart Tolle. He wrote a book called ‘A New Earth .. Awakening Your Inner Purpose’, which I have found to be immensely powerful and helpful, and really almost ‘life saving’. By life saving, I mean I’m able to be awake through life and enjoy it for what it is and the experiences it brings! Also, getting out of my head and thoughts and recognizing a purpose in every moment of the day. I don’t want to preach much more on it, because I don’t want to take this guys credit! I want you to feel happy and to know I believe in you! It makes me sad to see people in a struggle with themselves, when what they are craving is actually already within them.

20140529-122427-44667433.jpg

Are some friends like McDonalds?

drive*FYI, to all my friends who will read this…none of you are ‘fast food’ friends :)

Are you only friends out of convenience? A drive thru way to quickly fill a need…

I was a nerd in high school, well that’s what I felt…kind of shy and unsure of myself. I was 5’4″ 95lbs, didn’t know tweezers existed and frequented my starched khaki pants as a solid fashion statement. It was weird though because I was friends with everyone, all cliques, but I wasn’t exactly considered popular. I even dated a football player and went to the ‘super cool’ party for New Years Eve senior year…that’s like a requirement for official popularity isn’t it?!?! Hard knock times. However, at the end of the high school saga, they were all gone. All but two. I never spoke again to the others. Why though? We sat at the same lunch table for years, had great times at dances and even weekend sleepovers! I then realized we weren’t true friends. We were only friends out of convenience, for a bigger party, someone to walk to the next class with or just to be there to get each other through high school. It’s not necessarily a negative thing, but it was the facts. Then, as an eighteen year old, I thought, “Oh shit, is it me?! OMG I’m a frickin wierdo aren’t I?!”. I’m a good person, so why wasn’t that enough for at least ten more of those 25 people to have become a true friend? Instead of accepting the ‘convenience’ reasoning, I struggled with it being an issue with myself. I would see people with twenty friends at their birthday parties and think “How? Why don’t I have more friends? They must be much more fun than I am! Or prettier or cooler!” For years I remained to associate being normal, cool and a better person with having lots of friends. Why wouldn’t you have a million friends if you were awesome (yes, I am awesome!..says my mom)?? So, I set out to gather a herd of girls to be in my posse. This entailed playing different roles to gain more peeps. Drama queen, partyer, straight bitch, uber Christian/non-sin committer, monotone chillax girl, pro whatever girl, runner (which I ended up finding out that I liked), etc…just not myself. I was a chameleon, but I had tons of friends! Totally acceptable. They were all convenient in some way and I knew deep down that it wouldn’t last, but I felt it said something about me if I didn’t have an abundance of them. They each had filled some need or void in specific moments…boredom, loneliness, shopping, night out, singlehood, crappy relationship, come get a tattoo with me, hard times after the tattoo, or they just plain lived close and most likely weren’t a murderer. Then, like the first time…they vanished. One by one, as one of us had fulfilled the other’s short term need for them. This time I knew it didn’t have anything to do with me not being normal or a wierdo…or even anything to do with them. We were all just starving and needed to run through a drive thru to fulfill it in that moment.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to have some of those convenient or short term friends throughout life, because we are all put in peoples lives for a certain reason. Maybe it’s just to get each other through a hard time or because you’re single and all of your other friends are married (shout out 5th wheels), but when it ends don’t take it to heart. Don’t feel guilty or like a bad friend. It was needed, whether to help you learn something about yourself or strengthen you in some aspect, or them…or to just get drunk post final divorce signing! However, I’ve also learned it’s ok to only have a few real friends or even just one! To weed out the ones that are no good for you in some way, whether they’re negative, a skank (jk), or shoot even if they’re a selfish lazy mooch and you just can’t deal with it anymore. Spend more time surrounding yourself with the ones that bring the best out in you. The ones that you don’t have to change for, aren’t a quick drive thru during a hard time, don’t forget you when you or they get married or have babies, don’t hang out with you for their own benefit, don’t think they are superior to you in any way, and don’t judge you when you are a dumbass. Luckily, I found the ones that will stick around as we grow and develop into semi-responsible functioning adults together :) They, those true friendships, are like a five star restaurant vs McDonald’s. It’s place where you get to sit and talk for hours, look and make decisions together, wait in silence without it being awkward, then after a great meal or experience you get to enjoy the dessert of a great long lasting friendship! And if you can make it through shitty service or a hair in your food, you can make it through anything :)